Wednesday, July 5, 2017
How To Figure Out What Would Be Exciting To Do Even If I Wasn't Paid
What I have actually spent more time and energy on than art has been healing from deep and traumatic abuse from my early life. I can't say it's been exciting to do, although whenever I had a big insight or shift in my inner self that gave me freedom and inner space to be myself, that was very exciting. Sometimes when there has been a big healing shift, I have wanted to share it with everyone.....but I did not want to share the back story. So I have kept this big part of my life a secret. Still, I always thought that the things I have learned and continue to learn through years and years of reading and studying many teachings and healing methods could help people so much! I also knew deep down that most people wouldn't put as much effort as I did into this deep work that I've done. Not even a fraction of the effort. This may sound cynical. Perhaps it's just a way that my inner self is being protective of still vulnerable parts of myself.
At any rate, I feel that a more genuine answer to this question is to say that I really enjoy helping people. More specifically, helping them get a bigger perspective on things when they are stuck in their paradigms. I have always had another gift, but this one has rarely been recognized. (although when it is, it is always exciting) That is, I have very keen observation abilities. I notice things that others don't notice. It could be an emotion that a person thinks they are hiding. Or some slight signal that indicates there is more going on in a situation than meets the eye. This is a gift that got me into serious trouble as a child. I mean,seriously punished for it. Even though I didn't even know what I was doing. There have been a small number of occasions as an adult when I allowed myself to honor this gift and said some small thing to another person that ended up giving them some relief. And while it all sounds very small - small gesture, small result - it actually had a quality of being huge. Like a small cork being removed so the tank of stagnant water can empty and be refilled with fresh water. Maybe I do that with my art too. Since I like to paint inspiring quotes, it creates a new way of looking at an idea.....as a painting. I have been acknowledged, and thanked, by individuals who felt that the quote came along at just the right time and that it gave them a boost that they really needed. And this has mostly happened through the emails I send to people on my list. I don't get financially paid for it, but I get a great deal of satisfaction from hearing that people have been moved by the choice of quote and my written thoughts about it. Beneath the gratification I get from creating art, is a fuller gratification of touching people that helps them heal, if only in that moment.